Biography
Kirsten Fountain (she/her) wholeheartedly taught middle school and high school social studies for sixteen of her twenty-six years as a passionate educator. She then transitioned to instructional coaching and professional development, first for her school district and later for multiple districts in her region.
Like her grandmother and mother before her, being an educator is a part of who she is, and she is so much more. Above all, Kirsten is a connector. She understands that each person is talented and creative in their own unique way and seeks to discover how to encourage those she loves to cultivate their unique gifts in service of their growth.
Kirsten is currently curating a life filled with love, connection, and care in a cozy cottage in beautiful southern Oregon with her soulmate, Tim, and their three cuddly cats. She is now focusing full-time on healing physically, emotionally, and spiritually after a lifetime of codependency, perfectionism, shame spirals, panic attacks, and various health impacts of complex PTSD resulting from childhood abandonment and abuse. Poetry and photography, along with therapy, have been keys to unlocking her healing. She has the honor and joy of being the mother of Kaiden, the child who became her greatest gift and teacher. Kirsten was thrilled and humbled that Kaiden joined her on this healing journey, creating the chapter prior to her own. They continue to heal together with unconditional love and grace.
Artist Statement
The poems I have penned all have one goal: transmutation. Creativity is the conduit that channels my emotions through the wastelands of my mind toward the fertile deltas of my body, heart, and soul, where they find release. Along this invisible conduit, my words become powerful feelings that call out to their roots, spread out like mycelium all along the path before them. Childhood traumas have found comfort and safety within my mind and body, seeping poison into those root systems, profoundly impacting my life and health.
When I look back on my life, it is as if I am looking at a mirror that fell from a wall, gazing upon shattered pieces of various shapes and sizes; some flung out of reach, some swept up and thrown away, others so damaged that I can’t be sure of what I’m seeing. This shattering has had lifelong impacts on my relationships with myself, the men in my life, my child, and the faith I still manage to hold precious outside of organized religion. This is the very real impact of PTSD on me.
During my childhood, safety was my primary need. Dark, deep hiding spaces were invaluable, both physically and emotionally. When my mother, sister, and I fled, we found safety, comfort, and joy in the new home and lives our mother carefully cultivated. I was fifteen, and it would take years to realize how much healing I needed. My first two marriages (the former lasting three years, the latter nearly eighteen) couldn’t have been more different. The only similarity was that I showed up in them as my little girl self, starved for love and affection from a masculine presence, with a shattered concept of self. How others perceived me was how I perceived myself. I was spectacularly codependent without comprehending its poisonous impact. After my second marriage fell apart, I confronted myself for the very first time in my life. I began a healing journey that continues to this day.
When I started writing, I discovered that not only was I controlled, I was controlling myself. Not only was I abandoned, I had abandoned myself. Not only was I abused, I was abusing myself. My writing allowed me to dig deep enough to find that only through embracing myself in all of my imperfections, and bathing in my own unconditional Love, could I finally find empowerment as a divine feminine creation. I am whole and perfect, just as I am.
I now enjoy a life where I show up as myself, for myself, and for those I love (most of the time). Practicing this new way of being has allowed me to experience Love in a profoundly healing soulmate union, a sacred space I treasure. The most valuable gift I have received is that I now understand my worth and sacredness, apart from the messages I received from past and present patriarchal, paternal impositions.
Today, I am safe. I am supported. I am powerful. I am empowered. My poetry allows the dark and twisty sheltering passages of my youth to once again flood with light. Seeping sadness becomes weeping wisdom, and I find my way back to my soul.
I am FREE.
At least, I’m working on it.
Dedications
This work is for my mother, Ruth Edwards (formerly Stiehl), my sister, Sara Derek, and my child, Kaiden Valenzuela. My healing journey would not have been possible without their strong, wise, empathetic, empowering, and courageous presence in my life. They are my intact mirrors, my greatest teachers, and my heroes.
For Crystal Gasser, my soul daughter, who introduced me to the power and possibility of writing to heal.
For my husband Tim Fountain, who supported me through the shame spirals, night sweats, and off of each ledge I found myself teetering on while this work came through me.
For every person who became my teacher through pain, you are held with compassion. If I have loved you, I love you still.
I would not be who I am without each of you.
And for each beautiful being who courageously took on this project with me: thank you for showing me the power of healing in community and individually through creative transmutation. None of us will ever be the same, and we will forever have each other as we continue to heal with intention and with each other.
For Every Reader’s Inner Child
May you be seen, felt, heard, valued, and supported as you rediscover your birthright of worthiness and unconditional Love.